Losing Isaiah

Isaiah Daddy Jonah

Isaiah Andrew Phillips 10 weeks (24th August – 2nd November 2007)

Two years ago on Friday night 2nd  November we unexpectedly found our second born, Isaiah without breath or life. The end of his short life didn’t make sense to us then and it still doesn’t make sense.

Rebecca and I were comforted/supported by many brave, sensitive and inspirational family and friends. Thank you to all of you.

We have struggled with our loss and pain and struggled with our God who we still love and trust but truly don’t understand… nor can we understand. I write this now as I hear stories from Samoan families losing loved ones in a surge of water from the ocean they live beside and read a blog telling me one person dies from hunger every second. There are so many ‘why’s’ in God’s inbox and I don’t know what he does with them.

.

Are You God

who made this water? This wave? This sand?

Are You God?

Are You God who made me?

.

Are You God

who started life? These pains… the pleasures?

Are You God

who controls seasons? Tells the Winter when to stop?

Are You God?

.

Do You see

the crab with broken claw?

the bird struggle with one leg?

Do You see me cry for my missing boy?

Do You see?

.

Is there reason

to change the tide? To set the sun?

Is there reason to burn or drown or dry the land?

Is there reason to know pain, hurt and tired loneliness?

Is there reason?

.

Where does Your hand end?

Do You tell the sun, the daisy or the wave… Do it again?

.

Where does Your hand end?

Do You sit and watch, play a move when you want, stay silent, unmoved… seated?

.

Where does Your hand end?

Where do You begin?

Are You God?

.

Copyright Andrew Phillips © 2008

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One thought on “Losing Isaiah

  1. These poems about your grief always touch me deeply.I have no doubt I would be wrestling with God too if I were in your shoes. Big hug

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