To the Avocado Who Swam the Good Fight

 

While sleeping, the river
crept into Rocklea
entered cucumber coldrooms
and banana gas chambers.

A waterproof Haas treading
the warehouse swamp for days
kept its head up like an instinct
sensing rest in an elbow of steel racking.

4000psi shuddering skeletons
a billion bees drumming the rest
of life to silence.

Through mist, dank light
a cold room wall
brought back to bone.

4000psi shuddering steel racking
stripped of pallets, flesh
of fruit and vegies steaming
in a pile of January sun.

Another avocado trapped above
my head, the forgotten dead
hanging just below high tide.

4000psi shuddering
this hanger back to 4 deg
in a few days, filling
with new fruit.

This is the poem I read at the Ekka and at the open mic at QPF recently.  Let me know what you think.  I’m still not completely settled on it.  Happy National Poetry Week to all.

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5 thoughts on “To the Avocado Who Swam the Good Fight

  1. It’s good, you wrote you’re not completely settled on it, I’d suggest a minor edit to tighten the rhythm – depending on what you’re after, either try to pace it at the speed of the river, or a slow motion replay of the action. I think changing the second “steel racking” to something else (“shelving” might work, or might generate unwanted alliteration).
    I hope these suggestions help, I really like the poem, has a great tone of menace and foreboding.

    1. Thanks for the detailed feedback Mark. I’ll continue working on the poor old avocado. I don’t return to too many poems to develop further but this one I can’t seem to let go of. Again, thanks for what you’ve pointed out.
      Andrew

      1. Only hope it helped in some way, I return to poems a lot, even after they’ve been published I’ll run them through more edits.

        A poem is different for each reader, that is the beauty of the craft – it isn’t straight forward prose. This poem felt great to me as is.

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