Tag Archives: death

five poems




to the place he died…



weeds growing neatly

between pavers

in this footpath


in the morning sun

a spider checking taut lines

– wish we were camping


this pawpaw tree‘s fruit

– needing support


wooden fence

heading back to nature



self-indulgent grief

I’m never sure if I should post poems like this.  I wrote it Tuesday.  It was Isaiah’s birthday, he would have turned three.  I found myself thinking about MY loss and not really about him.  Then snapping out of it, I again realised how ridiculous the process of grief can be and where the mind wanders.  A psychologist told me that if the model of Adam and Eve in a perfect garden (all perfectly created) is our origin then we were never created for grief.  We weren’t given the proper capacity to handle loss very well.  Perhaps that is why it is so awkward and painfully emotional.  Scribbling the emotions down has certainly helped the process of grieving for me and I hope you don’t mind me sharing it.


self-indulgent grief

is a sticky film

the memory likes

to touch

feeling the tackiness

fingering the sorry feelings

wallowing in


hopeless sadness



to feel their tackiness again


like touching the sticky photo

of my brother’s engagement party

I’m standing to the side

an empty shell

still in shock

from the night before

wondering what I’m doing there

my Uncle’s voice plays in my head

“….you’re unbelievable

to be here”

but not coming

would be worse

and I play the tape again

to feel the emptiness


C.S Lewis

describes it:

a ‘bath of self-pity’

‘the loathsome sticky-sweet pleasure

of indulging it –

that disgusts me.’


and suddenly

you awaken

and notice your memory

fingering the



tearing your hand away…


“Happy Birthday Isaiah!”

“How are you little guy?

You are three today.

You would be running around

with your brothers

skinning knees

kicking footballs

riding a new tricycle

down a big grass hill


Have a great birthday

where you are,

skinning knees

kicking footballs

riding a new tricycle

down a big grass hill

we love you mate

Happy Birthday!”


Too Many Tears (Rondeau II)


We know a few families who have had their children suddenly snatched from this life.  This poem isn’t about us or anyone imparticular but probably a combination of all.  It is written from an outsider’s perspective looking in.  It is such a devastating situation.  Highly emotional, painful, raw and so awkward for those on the outside to watch all the grief and pain happening.


Too many Tears

Too many tears from so few eyes

Blue days become their retched skies

Broken lives in huddled weeping

Bellowed cries make restless sleeping

But how each day do they arise?

Will he check out in death’s demise?

As she breaks down without goodbyes?

Watch love’s torment slowly reaping

Too many tears

Packaged attempts to sympathise

Plainly will not relieve their cries

Compassion knocks with eyes seeping

Passing by… how are you keeping?

Please carry on but don’t disguise

Too many tears”